Conflicted
by ZenWriterZero
Summary: He hasn't forgotten, not one bit.


Disclaimer: I don't own Starcraft or anything associated with Blizzard. Wish I kind of did though, I have a lot of ideas for the campaign but then again I think about a thousand other people do too but oh well. Please read, review and enjoy!

Conflicted

In my life, there have been a lot of times when I've been so exhausted I've just wanted to find a nice, comfortable bed and pass out on it. And of course, usually that doesn't happen. Sitting in the medbay and watching as Stetman did examinations on Kerrigan, feeling more tired than I've ever felt in my entire life, I just had to wonder what exactly was I doin' here?

Not just what I was doin in the medbay of course. No I'm also wondering what exactly am I doing _here_. In a battlecruiser I stole from a vicious tyrant who I used to fight for, commanding a respectable (if somewhat rag tag) army of rebels trying to overthrow said tyrant and do some other good stuff while two alien species were warring throughout the Koprulu sector.

This isn't the first time I've had thoughts like this, and the only real answer I can come up with is that I was at the wrong place at the right time. It sure as hell doesn't feel like a good answer, but it's the best I've got.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. I just felt so damn tired. Completely drained mentally and, well, emotionally. Killing an old friend of yours tended to do that.

I stared as Stetman looked over some readings from Kerrigan, he didn't seem to be panicking so I'd take that as a good sign. Feeling satisfied at this conclusion, I looked back at Kerrigan…Sarah.

God she looked good. She looked like she was completely back to normal. Except for one slightly minor detail. Her hair still looked like someone found a bundle of giant spider legs and pasted them on her head. I had to wonder if this meant that artifact didn't work 100%. If that was the case then when Sarah wakes up will she still be The Queen of Blades? Or is her humanity back?

Great, now I've got a headache. My hand almost instinctively started going to where my flask was. Or rather, _used _to be. That's right, ol' Jimmy stopped drinking right around the time Valerian told me what the artifact could do. I guess hearing that I had a chance to right one of my biggest regrets, letting Kerrigan get consumed by the Zerg, letting her go alone at New Gettysburg, gave me the drive I needed to kick the habit. For now anyway.

I leaned back and closed my eyes for a second. For all the questions I now had, one of them stood out above the rest. A question I've been asking more and more lately. Am I doing the right thing?

When I first started this little revolution, there wasn't any question about that. Arcturus was a double dealing bastard who needed to be knocked off the throne that I helped put him on. It was as simple as that. Later when Kerrigan came back, resurrected as the Queen of Blades with a promise to help keep the Koprulu sector from falling under the UED's tyranny, There wasn't too much of a question there either. The UED was too powerful to take on without the Zerg. Or at least that's what we all thought at the time. Maybe Kerrigan used her psionics to influence us. Or maybe I was just a sap who still cared about her despite knowing she was a monster.

Regardless, almost everything I've done from the day I joined the Sons of Korhal was as far as I knew it at the time, doin; right for people worth doin right by. I've always held to my convictions but now everything's so damn confusing. Hooking up with Tosh and his specters, saving Kerrigan. I'm chasing my damn tail and not knowing what to do with it after I catch it.

All these questions, these conflicted feelings I've got are all pretty pointless I know. But I can't stop wonderin' if I did right by saving Kerrigan. And I know where my doubts are coming from.

Its cause I haven't forgotten what she did, and I haven't forgotten Fenix. My old protoss friend. A brother in arms if I'd ever met one. And I swore upon him and all the others Kerrigan had betrayed and butchered that I would see her dead.

I'm not one who takes promises lightly. A man should always follow through on what he says he's gonna do. But I've officially failed on doing that now.

I know that if Zeratul's right, she's the key to saving us all from something worse than the Zerg. But…I guess what I'm so worked up about, is that I wonder if Fenix would forgive me. Cause I can rationalize it to death, say that saving her was for the greater good, and it is. But still the bottom line, is that deep down, I never really wanted to keep that promise. I guess I always hoped that I could save her someday.

I looked back at Kerrigan with a tired, ironic smirk. Heh, y'know darlin' you once told me to drop the knight in shining armor routine. That you didn't need to be rescued. Now here we are 4 years later and we almost have the perfect setting for a kid's bedtime story, what with the knight charging into the mouth of hell with his loyal soldiers to save a princess from a Queen who ruled monsters. Although I guess it was more like the black knight invading the Queen's world so he could take the Queen away and she could save everyone from even worse monsters. Kinda loses its appeal when said like that.

Damn, maybe I should grab a drink. I'm startin' to lose it a bit.

It was a tempting thought. A trip to Char was always something to inspire nightmares. That and getting betrayed by one of your best friends, yeah that's worth getting drunk about.

Stetman tapped on the glass in the quarantine zone.

"As far as I can tell commander, she seems pretty healthy. But there are still some things that I need to test."

"Fine. Just don't do anything stupid and take every precaution you can. We don't know what she's gonna do when she wakes up."

"Got it sir," with that, the slightly hyper scientist went back to his scanners.

I guess it was time for me to get back to work too. With a small grunt I stood up, straightened my back and started for the exit. "Let me know if something changes."

"Uh huh, uh huh you got it sir."

I swear, that kid scares me sometimes.

When I got to the door, I couldn't help but take one last look at Sarah.

As a ghost, I've seen her make impossible shots with her rifle and use knives with chilling effectiveness. As the Queen of Blades, I've seen her literally rip terran and protoss in half and lick the blood off her fingers with sickening zeal. But I don't think I've ever seen her like this. Fast asleep like she doesn't have a care in the world. Kinda helpless looking, but mostly just, at peace.

Sweet dreams darlin', cause when you wake up it'll probably be a brand new nightmare.

With that I stepped through the door and didn't look back again as I started to make my way toward the bridge. I was still Captain of this ship and I needed to tend to my crew. I also needed to make sure that Valerian didn't screw us over. He may have held up his end of the bargain, but I still didn't trust him as far as I could throw a battlecruiser.

Cause even if (and I think it's a pretty damn big if) saying he made the queen of blades human again would put him in the good graces of the people, that wouldn't mean that the people wouldn't be out for Sarah's blood. She's killed too many and I doubt "I was infected by a zerg virus that made me evil" would fly with the general Koprulu population.

So many questions, so few answers. And the only way we're gonna get those answers is by charging ahead.

We've got the heart of the swarm aboard this ship now, we'll see where it takes us.


End file.
